Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
