your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My bed smells like the plague
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
