dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
