ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
