ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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