Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
