I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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