you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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