I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
