Need sex. Gaining weight.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
