He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
