I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
