You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
