Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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