Barsexuality is the new black.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
