so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
