Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
