I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
