Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
do nipples grow back?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
