I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
