My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
