Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
