420 ftw
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Randomize
