How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
