I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
