If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
