I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
She needs sedatives and a leash
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize