Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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