I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
