I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
