it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
