so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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