I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
