He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
