sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
