Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Randomize
