nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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