what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
