shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
