don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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