Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I think I just shit out all my problems.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
