That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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