Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
