You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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