Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
my penis made a compromise with my morals
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize