I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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