i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize