Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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