I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Randomize
