shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
