You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
