My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
