Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
