i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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