half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
