If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
