From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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