summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
