I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I got inside last night via doggy door
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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