Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
