ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
