you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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