Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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