i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
