He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
