captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
