I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
