We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
