Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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