I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
