I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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