that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
