plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
