bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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