She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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