Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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