Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
