Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
