can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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