Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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