do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
