five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
