i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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