Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
