drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
