Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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