when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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