why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I FOUND THE LEGS
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
