SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize