It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
